Sunday, January 25, 2009

The Ringmaster says "Now in the Center Ring..."

A few people have inquired about my boobilage reference, so I thought I'd elaborate. Breasts, boobs, tits, tatas, rack, knockers, hooters, the girls; there are a lot of words used to refer to the anatomical feature that so much of advertising, and fantasy revolve around. I prefer tatas, or boobilage, or the girls. I have a pretty nice "set" from what I've heard. You'd think they had eyes or something the way so many people speak directly to them. Hmmm. Anyway, until the middle of 2008 I considered them "there". Nothing special, just there. I think some women will understand that. Last year my Mom was diagnosed with breast cancer, and a few months later, after beating cancer, died from complications related to the preventive chemotherapy she was receiving. Needless to say, tatas took on a bigger role in our family. (Ha, no pun intended.) :o) So this past Friday I had to see Dr. Kammerlocher, my favorite surgeon. Dr. K. is the man who I allowed to cut my throat open in April '07 to remove half of my thryroid. He's a cutie baby. He's funny, and kind, and an excellent surgeon. He's also the surgeon of choice for the "thing" in my left breast. He had all my mammogram films, and the ultrasound report and sat next to me to read them to me, like a medical bedtime story. As we discussed the parenchymal breast tissue and the density of breast tissue, he smiled and said he was the smart guy necessary for Blue Cross / Blue Shield to allow me to have a breast MRI. As he examines my 46 yr old saggy left boob he says "yeah, I feel a mass." Not a thing, or a lump, or a shadow ~ he felt a mass. To add to the surreality (is that a word?) of the moment, he calls Laurie over to the exam table and teaches her how to do the exam he's doing, and explains that partners / husbands / best friends should be performing this exam on one another monthly. And with that, he gave me a ticket for admittance to the medical circus that is now my left breast, boob, tata, hooter. The show includes an MRI, biopsy, and possible surgery, lumpectomy, removal at a later date. The ticket is also good for admission for as many family members, friends, and complete strangers as my oyster can hold. No one, except me, has to attend. Mine is the only mandatory attendance. The MRI is this coming Wednesday, and they may or may not do the biopsy then. I see Dr. K on Feb. 6th to discuss the results. Then, who knows? So that's the story of the boobilage, tatas, hooters, tits, rack, set, udders, tub toys, the girls. I'll let you all know how it goes, as it goes. In the meantime, check your breasts, and your friend's, daughter's, sister's too. Make it an event. Laugh, cry, talk, but do it. Did I ever tell you I HATE the circus? :o) Oh yeah - the word of the day is acerbic. Edited 04/26/09 because my lovely daughter pointed out I'd spelled acerbic incorrectly. WooT!

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