Friday, April 10, 2009
I'll have what she's having
You know what it's like when you hear only part of a conversation, and a totally benign word or phrase takes on a meaning totally unintended, and slightly ummm perverse? You don't? Damn, that's too bad. My workdays are full of this sort of twisted, laugh-til-you-cry episodes. The absolute champion of the double entendre retired last September. She's a teeny tiny woman who is somewhere in her 60s. She could barely talk without saying something that definitely had 2 meanings ~ and one of them was definitely mind-in-the-gutter funny. Unfortunately, in this politically correct, overly fearful society, it's very risky to acknowledge the more perverse aspect of conversation. We do it anyway. My friends and loved ones will tell you that I play a good prude. The truth is I'm not a prude, but sometimes the perverse side of conversation embarrasses me while it makes me laugh out loud. I'm not sure what that's called, but it's me. So, while the statement recently heard at my office "...It just won't fit. and the second person said maybe if you turn it this way it will...." raised my eyebrows and made me laugh, it also made me cringe. My cubie neighbor, Scott, is in the same gutter I am. So is my cubie-quad, across the aisle co-worker Tracy. We may, one day, get ourselves into a world of trouble. Scott and I don't care. There's a lot to be said for being well past 40. After 40 life is way2short to ignore the gutter stuff. It's funny dammit, and I need to laugh as much as I can. This morning, Scott's supervisor gave him a cupcake, with a bunny ring, as an Easter treat. (Yes it was for Easter because there's no such thing as an unleavened cupcake.) Before I realized the bunny was a ring, Scott was talking about a ring and I made a comment about there being all sorts of rings...then Scott walked around to my cubie and showed me the ring...it was unbelievably bunny-like and very small. I asked where Scott was going to wear it, and he replied he didn't know, but he did know where he wouldn't be wearing it. He meant it as it sounded and I knew it. I laughed and so did Scott. My quad-mates yelled "ENOUGH!" I guess that was today's line for sexual harassment. :::sigh::: Too bad, because sexual innuendo makes the day fly by. The ability to laugh, in the midst of all the number crunching and nasty phone calls we deal with, is truly a blessing. Gutter mind is a learned skill. While Scott and I are very good at it, our co-worker Lorenzo is the reigning CHAMPION. Lorenzo can find innuendo in just about everything. In fact, he used to keep a journal with the date, time and statement, as well as who said it. He could probably write a bestseller with it. The co-champ is my friend Melissa. She and I had "unusual ear piercings" done during lunch one day. Melissa had her tragus done, I had my conch. Bahahahaha. Anyway, this led to an ongoing discussion about who may have a pierced hoohaw or hoohoo, and how one might tell, without asking. We've agreed that likely candidates wear a lot of black, have "unusual" and/or multiple piercings, and tattoos. Interestingly enough, I fall into this category, so does Melissa, and Tracy. Factually, none of us have pierced our hoohaws. OUCH and EWWWWW are two of the main reasons. Nonetheless, the innunedo laden conversations are hilarious and sometimes downright creepy. If you could see some of the "candidates" we work with, you'd better understand this. The EWWWWW factor in some cases carries a dual meaning....we can't imagine piercing a hoohaw, and their having a pierced hoohaw, or hoohoo, is completely disgusting. BAHAHAHAHA. Okay, I'm rambling. I almost never do that. Heeeeeeee.
Well that's what's on my gutter mind today kids. This wasn't as hard as I expected it to be. I'll just stick it in here and see what happens. It's time for me to go, I'm feeling hot. I hope this makes you feel as good as it made me feel.
Until next time you know what they say....if you can't say anything nice, sit next to me and we'll compare notes.
See ya in the gutter.